well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
