I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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