Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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