Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
