i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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