Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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