I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
