You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
