Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
