dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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