i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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