you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
