Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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