i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
