Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
