they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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