Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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