She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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