Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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