I think my vagina is haunted
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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