im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
