As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
