Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
