Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
