mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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