I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
