You're my little dorito
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
