I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
