i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
