So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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