Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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