Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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