We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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