Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
