Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
