So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
