Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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