i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
