i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
