he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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