I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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