I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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