i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
