Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
