The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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