My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
