Where did you get a picture of my penis
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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