so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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