WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
