So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How external is "for external use only"?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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