highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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