Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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