so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
