It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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