the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
