Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
